I Didn’t Lose My Faith - I Found It

I Didn’t Lose My Faith-I Found It

The honest story of feeling lost, searching, questioning, and finally finding a connection with God that I never knew was possible. Then, everything began to change.

I was raised Catholic, raised my children Catholic, and built my family’s life around the Church-so I never expected to one day feel unsettled in my faith.

I’m deeply grateful for the foundation of faith I received. I raised all four of my children Catholic, made sure they received their sacraments, and married a wonderful Catholic man.

For most of my life, this was simply our family.

And then COVID happened, along with a few years after...

Something shifted in me. Over the next several years, I found myself longing for a deeper connection in my faith. I felt guilty, confused, and sometimes ashamed-but underneath it all, I was sincerely seeking the Lord.

I didn’t like  how I was living with a faith I thought was enough just showing up on Sunday’s, but not taking much home with me.  I was still carrying so much fear, anxiety, sadness, heartache, and covering it all up with a mask each day.  Monday-Saturday I was trying to walk the walk and talk the talk, but I wasn’t feeling it deeply and honestly. The struggle was so real. And I thought to myself if I’m feeling this way on the inside, but showing up differently on the outside, is that having a real, true faith in God?

Showing up on Sundays to a mass that wasn’t pouring into me and filling me up for the week was not working for me anymore.

I need Sunday worship that will pour in me on Sundays and sustainable Monday through Saturday as well. How to live it, how to feel it, how to show up for my family in the world better each week.  I needed more.  It was time for a change.

I began watching services and listening to sermons from different Christian communities online. When churches reopened, I visited several congregations, prayerfully discerning where I felt most connected and where I could continue growing in my relationship with God.

Then my daughter said, “Mom, you should try Browncroft. I went, and I think you’ll love it.”

So I went. And something happened. I felt FULL.  Not because I had all the answers, but because I felt deeply connected to the Holy Spirit, to Scripture, and to the message being shared.

The Bible began speaking to me in a new way that I was beginning to understand finally!  Do you need to know the Bible verses and read the Bible to have a better relationship with God? No, not necessarily but it sure did help me.

And now when I don’t understand the Bible, my own kids have taught me, “ Mom, just ask chat to explain it so it’s a relative or buy a Bible that explains it in the sidebar what the verse is sharing.”

These things have helped me so much become more comfortable when I was so uncomfortable and intimidated.  Now, I’m getting a little bit more and more comfortable each week learning something new from the Bible.  Baby steps. That’s all it takes. Five minutes here, five minutes there. That’s it!

Our sermons connect Scripture to real life-our marriages, families, struggles, fears, relationships, and choices-and encouraged us to live out our faith each day.

Every week, I look forward to it.  I want to hear it, receive it, understand it, and most of all…I want to LIVE it and SHARE it. That is how we are supposed to feel and supposed to share humbly.

My faith has grown in ways I never imagined. I’ve invited close friends, and now they come too.  My college girlfriends and their husbands have become part of this journey, while my children, now living in different cities, have found churches that help them continue growing in their own faith.

My husband continues attending our Catholic Church. At first, that was difficult. We used to love going to church together, and I felt guilty that I wasn’t attending with him anymore.

But he has been incredibly supportive. Most weekends, he comes to Browncroft with me first and then attends his Catholic church afterward.

Because this isn’t about choosing one person over another or that one denomination is better than the other.  Not at all.

It’s about honoring one another’s journeys while each of us seeks God and grows in our relationship with Him, somewhat similarly, yet different.

I’m grateful for the faith tradition that shaped me, the people and experiences that formed my family, and the many ways God has worked in my life. I also recognize that every spiritual journey is personal and may look different for each of us.

I’ve learned that seeking God sometimes means exploring what is unfamiliar. It means asking questions, being honest when something feels unsettled, and prayerfully discerning what helps us grow while respecting the journeys of others.

After years of searching, I can honestly say- I have never felt more spiritually alive.

I’m hungry for God’s Word, for community, and for opportunities to apply His message to my life.  I’m more passionate than ever about sharing what He is teaching me.

I don’t share this because I think everyone needs to worship the way I do. I share it because someone else may be quietly wrestling with their faith, too.

Maybe you feel awkward for asking questions that might seem uncomfortable. Maybe you feel disconnected or crave something deeper.

Keep seeking.  Keep asking, praying, listening, and opening your heart.

Sometimes the next step in our faith journey begins when we are brave enough to admit:

“Lord, I want more of You.”

And I can tell you from experience…He meets us right where we are at. No matter what!

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” - Matthew 11:28

“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.” -James 4:8

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” - Psalm 34:18

Love,

Becky 💛🙏🏼